12/3/18
Just to preview, it's been a rough few days. On 11/30, Friday night immediately after the blessings of bread and wine, Madison told Darrell and me that she was moving in with Alex the next day. The next morning she had to work, but got up and packed a few things and left for work. She would not be coming home. I keep crying every time I think of her. I miss her terribly, and I see her sweet face as a child looking up at me. I just want to hold her one more time. She hasn't called or even texted her dad or me. I'm crying now as I type this. I went in her room yesterday, and just cried seeing all that she left. It was as if she was saying she didn't want to take this part of herself into her new future. Most of all, I am concerned for her own salvation. The truth is is that I have noticed a change in Madison for some time now. I don't know whether to blame the people she works with, Alex, or maybe it is all of them. But Madison has changed. My heart is broken because I think of the wonderful dreams that the Lord gave her, and I wonder if they still apply. Abba have mercy!
The dream started that we lived in a house, it was my house, and I came out of my bedroom and heard some noises. I think I saw a chunky woman first, maybe she was sitting at the kitchen table. I think I asked her what she was doing here, but she didn't answer. Immediately after I saw the attic door opened and the latter pulled down. Then I saw another person, maybe a child. Then I began seeing more people, up to maybe 4 or 5 in all. One of them was standing in the attic. In my dream I realized that they were angels sent by God to assist me, and I was very thankful. I bowed to the ground to praise God for the help. Then I remember walking in the downtown area of my town and seeing two of the angels putting a banner or something on the door of a shop. Then I think one of the angels may have died or something. I don't understand how an angel could die. I think it was an older man angel. ??? But I woke up feeling almost happy. Under the circumstance, that is wonderful. Yesterday I woke up and my first thought was I realized that our home has forever changed with Madison gone, and this was my reality. Utter despair.
Carla is either hiding her emotions well, or glad for Madison that she got out of the house. Like good for her almost. Adam is just dealing with it and I think Darrell and I are so upset. Adam is very compassionate. He commented that Madison hasn't really talked to him since he was 13 or so. How sad and lonely he must have been. She wouldn't hug Carla or Adam. I don't know why, but it broke my heart for them.
I remember her kisses as a child. They were the sweetest things. She had this gentleness about her that I had never experienced in this life. She had wisdom, patience, and peace that surpassed anything anyone else had ever demonstrated and she was only a child. She was a gift from the Most High. But something changed in her. She didn't demonstrate anything to cause me to believe she was different, she just was. I can't put my finger on it. She just was.
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